I missed blogging yesterday instead I added a page to my listings of invisible illnesses, Chronic Fatigue . After seeing my neurologist and going to the drug store to retrieve a new dosage of medication, I was exhausted when I got home. I had been up since 3 a.m. and went by myself to town (that always causes me great anxiety). My husband stayed home with our elderly dog because she wasn’t feel well. She is 16, so I did not mind at all. I just got anxious driving, well, going by myself because I seldom go anywhere alone. But I conquered it and felt good about myself afterwards.
Back to the doctor’s visit… I told him how I have not been sleeping. Waking as early as 2:45 for the day ahead and how tired I have been, so he increased the dosage of a new medication he had put me on. I slept last night like I have not slept in a long time. I made it to nearly 6 this morning. Sure I had to get up and go to the bathroom once during the night but just once and I don’t remember what time it was. I like that! Not remembering, just going and getting back in bed and going right back to sleep. It makes for a restful night.
I have visions of grandeur for today. But realistically, I know I won’t have the energy to get all my chores done, but if I can get part of them done, I will feel really good about myself. I have been fighting this fatigue for so long that I know I won’t have any endurance. So I will have to take it slow and rest in between, or just do one chore per day until I get some endurance back.
People do not understand the hardships of being so tired all of the time. They do not understand the fact that we live in this house and there will be messes, it is not a show place and I have no outside help to clean it. It is up to us to take care of everything and I do not feel well enough to take care of one thing before another thing needs my attention. Some days, I pat myself on the back for getting the dishwasher loaded and running. Other days, I can get the floor swept and on rare occasions, mopped. My husband helps a lot, but he also works a full-time, physical labor job, with overtime involved. So I try not to ask much of him. Luckily for us, we seldom have visitors and are allowed to let that poof of dog hair in the corner stay there a day or two longer than it should. I get to it, but in my own time, when I am capable. Not by anyone else’s time-table. And I try my best not to feel bad about letting things go. I’m disabled for goodness sake, I have multiple illnesses that affect me in negative ways and I am allowed to take care of myself first. I MUST take care of myself first or there will be no me to take care of at all.
Remember this when you are falling behind on house chores, it is not a show place. It is where you live and living with illness means things will go undone. It is okay not to do every thing all at once, pace yourself. Do not think that you have to keep up with anyone else. Better homes and gardens are not coming to your house to interview you on your cleaning skills. If you can keep it livable, you are doing what is needed. I’m not saying to let it go so that it becomes a hazard, ask someone for help before that happens and do not be ashamed to ask for help. But if your child leaves some toys out for the evening, it is okay, they will play with them again tomorrow. Or teach your child the responsibility of picking up after themselves. If some dishes are left in the sink, it is okay, you will get to them, they aren’t going anywhere. Though I have threatened to throw them out. LOL
Be kind to yourself and your illness, don’t beat yourself up. A messy house does not necessarily mean it is a dirty house. Though I think mine falls under both categories. But it’s okay, I’ll get to it. Maybe I’ll get to some of it today. Wish me luck!