I know this has been written about in the past by other bloggers/authors, but I wanted to touch on the subject myself. Since my husband has been sick with his gallbladder and I have been sick with my urinary bladder from a flare-up. I am seeing a difference in the way we are treated.
We both are having severe pain. We are both taking the same pain killer. We are both suffering a great deal. But concern from other people lie more with him than with us equally.
Am I suppose to not feel the pain I am feeling? Am I suppose to be able to put it on hold just because he is hurting? I answer “no” to both of those questions. The mere fact that he is hurting is enough to make me hurt because it puts a lot of stress on me to step up and take care of him, and I’m constantly worrying about him.
I’m even going to have surgery before him, but it isn’t an issue for anyone. “Let us know how your husband is after his surgery.” What about letting you know how I’m doing after mine?
I’ve never been afraid of going under, or having this procedure until this time. They are using a new medication at the end of the procedure within the bladder instead of giving pain medication in an IV. I have a ton of allergies. What if I have an allergic reaction to that new medication. It will already be in me, with no way of getting it out. With an IV, they can at least stop administering the medication.
Then there is my worry about my husband’s surgery because of his previous colon resection from his cancer. It may have left too many adhesions causing them to have to open him up instead of doing a laparoscopic surgery.
So I’m very worried, and worry causes stress and yes I’ve talked to God a lot lately, but I’m still stressed out.
So what gives people the right to have empathy for my husband, who will be well in a matter of weeks and have no empathy for me, who will never be well? I personally call it stupidity, but it is much deeper than that. I feel it is being uneducated in the chronic illness realm. Being willfully stupid! Because most of these people have been given the information to read, they just don’t read it. It is my problem to deal with. They don’t have to understand it, or care about it, they just know it is there and doesn’t need to be talked about. What? It IS my entire life and I can’t talk about it? I eat, breathe and live this life of suffering and pain. Just because they can’t do anything to help me physically means they have to hurt me mentally? “NO!” I don’t accept that.
I agree you can’t see any physical illnesses when it comes to me, but what do you see physically wrong with my husband? Nothing! He is hurting on the inside too. He didn’t break his arm or leg, those things you could see, but a gallbladder issue isn’t something visible.
So, I suck it up once again and let it slide off my back, so to speak. I’m not going to get anywhere with these people. I’m going to be an outcast or mistaken for a fat slob for all of eternity even though I eat properly and have no success at losing weight, and I do what I can to control my flare-ups. I still have them. Let me tell you, it is hard being on a diabetic diet, IC diet, low fat heart healthy diet and still find something to eat besides a salad. Oh and watch those salad dressings, they are either loaded with sugar, or vinegar, neither of which I can partake.
I have to find a positive here, but I’m having a hard time. Ah, my pain will ease after Tuesday (surgery on Monday) and my husband’s pain should ease after Wednesday except for the incisions. We will take care of each other. We already have our grocery shopping done for things that are easy to make so neither of us have to stand in the kitchen and watch it cook. And these are positive things. It always makes me feel better to find a positive in everything. Give it a try.
~Peace or should I say, later!