Category: Blog

02/18/2020 Word of The Day -Track

Hi everyone, I haven’t been present the last few days. I’ve been depressed and avoiding the computer and the activity that keeps me sane. So yes, I’ve lost track of the days and my sanity. Deep breaths here. Now, I think I can carry on.

I found a lump in one of my breasts back on the evening of February 5th and I’ve been unable to get a mammogram or any kind of testing done to get it checked out since. Either my doctor’s office won’t cooperate, or the imaging center can’t get it together, but I’m about to lose my mind. I’ve tried keeping busy with my crafting. I make junk journals and they help relieve some of the tension, then I get tired and have to go lay down for a while and my brain goes in to over drive and I lose track of all rational thoughts. So I rest my eyes a bit and then get back up to craft again. It’s a vicious cycle.

Today was a little different. The doctor’s office got it right, the imaging center got it right, then the insurance got it all wrong, so I may never get a exam to diagnose this lump. It’s so frustrating and I hate waiting for someone to call me back, it drives me crazy!

On to better news. My granddaughter, a sophomore in high school, has been recognized for her outstanding work in school and the community and she was on the front page of the news paper today. Not just on the front page, but taking up nearly all of the front page, her picture is huge and she is so beautiful! I can’t tell you how proud I am of her and her accomplishments thus far. She will go far in her education, I just feel it. She also runs track and does very well in the sport. They are in the season right now for it and she runs the mile, I think. My son told me what she runs, but I sometimes lose what he tells me before I get to write it down. Whatever distance she is running, she is doing well with it. My heart is full when it comes to her accomplishments.

My grandson is accomplished this semester too! He has some minor disabilities that have hindered him in the past but he is on track now to a successful year of school. His grades are up and he might actually make the A & B honor roll this year. That would be outstanding for him. Again, my heart is overflowing with pride.

I want to be around for a very long time to see my grand kids grow up and to do that, I need to be as healthy as I can, unfortunately, the odds are not in my favor. I presently feel so disgusted with everyone in the medical field because I can’t get the tests I need to see if what the lump could be. More than likely, it is nothing, but until they actually tell me that, I will worry. Deep breathes again and again, just don’t take away my worrying. I will keep trying to relax and think positive, but it is getting hard. I hate waiting on people and that’s what I’m doing, waiting on someone to call me with an appointment and hope that I can go soon to get the test ran that tells me I am fine.

Keep me in your positive thoughts and I’ll try to post more at a later date. Today’s word just caught my attention and I needed to vent a bit. Thanks for reading. Have a great day.

Peace! ~Tina

02/10/2020 Word of the Day – Nature

What is the nature of your problem? Do you love nature the way I do? This could go either way, so keep up with me.

I’m currently working on two junk journals as art projects. They are journals to write in but full of items of a junk nature that you might otherwise have thrown away. Like old tea bags that have been cleaned and stamped on, or scraps of paper of any nature that you might come across that fit to the theme of the journal.

The theme of one journal is nature. It is full of flowers, butterflies, bugs, gardens and things that are just beautiful to me. I will be able to write in it in various areas around these beautiful pictures and make this journal a beautiful place to express my feelings or my goals and dreams. Whatever the nature of your desires to write in a journal, having one that is homemade is more pleasing than a store bought one, at least that is my opinion.

It won’t take me long to make them. I already have the book parts made, by removing the guts of old books and putting in my own pages, and covering the old books with fabric and paper, I have a very pretty journal coming along nicely and a very dark journal coming along as well. I will add things to them that affect my day to day living and things that give me comfort… or pain. They will be about me, for me and for my eyes only. The dark journal will be about depression in nature. The things that put me in a bad place and hold me there with me fighting to get back on a positive track. And the pretty journal will be what brought me out of that dark place. But I think I need to know the nature of my darkness before I can fight it efficiently.

I actually know many things during this time of year that have happened in the past that have made it a hard time of year for me, but I have made it through years in the past and not been affect like I am being affected this year. I’m down this year, and I’ve got to find the bottom-line nature of this depression. I’m thinking it might be my current health that is causing the problem and not anything from the past that is doing it to me. I just don’t know, but I want to find it and get rid of it and be back to my positive self. I can do this. I know I can. I’ve done it before and I will do it again. No matter the nature of the issue.

I like the word of the day writings. It makes me think about things a little differently than I would normally. It makes me pick apart my sentences and find their meaning and while doing so, I manage to read between the lines and see some issues that I’ve been avoiding, or have over looked that might be things I’m not dealing with properly. This gives me the idea to start writing immediately in my journal(s) to get the thoughts down and start working for the solution. Just that alone is a positive. Working to help oneself is a positive, even though I’m still down in the dumps, I can work towards a positive outcome. And that’s the nature of this post, to find a positive outcome. Have a great day, think positive thoughts and take positive action. Peace! ~Tina

02/08/2020 Word of the Day – Relations

I have to say I don’t have a lot of relations with face to face friends any longer. I used to have a lot of friends, but they all faded away as life took me more towards doctor’s appointments and took them more towards a normal life. I miss my friends, but I keep up with them on Facebook. Thank goodness for social media!

I do have good relations with my doctors, I know them, I am friendly with them and I try to always be pleasant with them. There is one that I am upset with right now, but I’m sure we will work through it during my next therapy session. I think that one always gets upset with their therapist at one point or another.

I also have decent relations with my illnesses. I know they are the boss and I abide by their rules and I live fairly well. If I don’t abide by their rules, I’m stuck in the bed, or in my recliner being miserable and wishing i had followed those rules.

There are all sorts of relations one can have. Relations with God, and yes I have one. I don’t think I would still be here if I didn’t have one. I would have swallowed several bottles of pills by now, but with Him in my life, I’m alive and though I’m not well, I’m a lot better off than I could be.

I hope you have a great day today and have relations with something positive in your life today, it will make a difference in so many ways. So stop what you are doing and think of something positive that can lift your mood and make you feel better all at the same time. It works! I’ll keep preaching it for as long as I can. Peace! ~ Tina

20/05/2020 Word of The Day – Frequency

I suffer from multiple invisible illnesses, I have shared this with you already, but the most bothersome for me is my interstitial cystitis or IC. It causes urination frequency and it tries to drive me crazy. I can be deep in thought, working on something that is taking all of my energy and bam, I have to stop and go urinate. I can’t get through the grocery store without having to go twice, unless I ride the scooter. It will save me one trip to the bathroom. The urgency can be bad too, but the frequency is what really gets me the most. So many times, so often, so many times, over and over again, I get so tired of going to the bathroom. My doctors don’t want to believe me when I tell them I sleep 1.5 hours at night and then I have to get up and go urinate, then I’m wide awake for a while, play on my tablet or check my email  and finally I can go back to sleep for another 1.5 hours of sleep. But I never get good restful sleep. My bladder will have me up running to the bathroom in no time.

It is a weird disease, not known cause, no known cure and so many suicides due to it and it’s pain. The pain can be as harsh as a stage four cancer patient’s pain. Luckily I have two sacral nerve implants that help with  my pain, one is supposed to help with my frequency and urgency, but I think it only helps with the urgency and forgot about the frequency. I’m lucky to have the pain relief though, I thank my lucky stars for it because I already have things going on that make me suicidal, I don’t need anything else.

And so…I try to think of the positive in it all. I’m happy I don’t have the pain that most people have when suffering with IC. I’m happy I don’t have the urgency and when I do start having the urgency, I go to the dr and he does a quick surgical procedure and it goes away. I usually have this done twice a year. It usually accompanies pain that I can’t adjust away with my implant remotes so we kill two birds with one stone. It is necessary to have the procedure to keep me healthy. The frequency, I’ll live with. Going to the bathroom 20 to 25 times a day is not that bad once you get used to it.

Have a great day today. Make it YOUR day and find a positive in all you do. I’ve been failing at finding positives lately, but I’m trying to keep my head up. Peace! ~ Tina

02/04/2020 Word of The Day – Approve

I approve this message. I hear this over and over on the television. The candidates are always saying this after they have done their campaigning. Why do they have to say this? If they are the ones saying it, of course they approve it. It’s silly to me. That’s my political comment for the day.

On another note, I’ve been trying to occupy my mind with things that make me happy. I’m having a hard time at it. My psychologist told me that I’ve been holding on to my PTSD too long and it’s time for me to get over it. I do not approve this type of statement. It is hurtful, it is unreasonable, it is down right unprofessional for her to say such a thing and I will be confronting her next visit.

I witnessed a fatal stabbing, something that devastated me and changed me, completely! I went through such severe bouts of depression and fear that I wouldn’t go outside my house except to get to my therapist who was actually helping me, but it wasn’t the therapist I’m seeing now. I don’t approve of the one I’m seeing now, but she is the only one that will take my insurance, that I can find, and she is 150 miles away from me. My husband has to drive me that far away so I can sit for 1 hour and be lectured on why I should be over my PTSD by now. I hate to tell her that it isn’t going away. And since she said that, it has gotten worse, I’m having flashbacks, nightmares and am down right scared to death that I will be set out into the world without a therapist because they don’t want to deal with me any longer. Yes, it has been a very long time, but does it ever really go away? I mean in reality, does it go away? Have the Vietnam Vets lost their PTSD? How about the Dessert Storm Vets? How about the WWII Vets? 911 victims? I don’t think so! So why should I be required to get over my PTSD because I was the only one in a large area of workers that was affected by it? I wasn’t. I was just the only one that reported it and got help. I heard of other people being affected by it. I heard that they struggled with depression and anxiety and found other jobs, but they didn’t get help like I did. I was in a job position that allowed me to get help that didn’t allow them to get the same help. I won’t give up my therapy due to one idiot therapists suggestion. I will find another therapist if need be, but I won’t give up. I’m not over this and I don’t approve of her thinking I should be over it.

Thank you for reading my post. I have very little positive when it comes to this issue. Well, I can’t think of any positive. It brings me down, it hurts me and it makes me depressed to think of it. I’ll close now, have a good day and thank you again for reading my post. ~ Tina

02/02/2020 – Word of the Day – Journey

My husband and I would love to take a journey to Alaska, but the fact that I wasn’t born with wings plays an issue in this journey, I’m not flying! Nope, no way, no how! We would drive the dusty roads from Texas to Alaska or I won’t go and that’s a long way for 2 old folks that have a lot of aches and pains. We have talked about this journey many times and mapped out our course, but it comes down to money and time spent away from our doctors. I have to see 2 of my doctors once a month. I could not see one of them for a month, but the other one, I have to have some meds from him, so I don’t know how that would work.

I still dream of the journey though, the drive up, seeing all the sights as we go and taking our time looking at landmarks and visiting all the great parks. We have a new truck, we would just have to stop at a motel every night and that is tiresome. I’m not fond of motels, you never know if you are getting a good, clean room, or something yucky.

But once we got there, we could visit the sites of Alaska, hopefully take a cruise and see the whales and journey through the icebergs and see all the animals and maybe even a bear! I’d love it, but how would I feel? I feel decent about 15% of the time, and traveling like that would make me feel worse. Traveling always takes so much out of me. I just don’t think I could make the journey and be worth anything once we reached out destination. Or would I stay hyped up throughout the time we were there and then fall apart and crash with all my flares once we got back home? It’s a real guessing game and a super gamble that I’m really scared to take. It would be so hard on us to journey that far from home and then both of us go down for a week and have to live in a motel for that duration until one of us felt like driving so we could head back home. It could be devastating.

We have thought of getting a motor home, that would take away motels and give us freedom to be ill if it came to that. We could find RV parks along the way and stay more than one night if needed, or journey on the next day, depending on our health. And I’d have the all important bathroom on board at all times so we wouldn’t have to stop for bathroom breaks every hour and a half or less. I can make it an hour and a half if I’m sitting and being still, sometimes, but not often. I think we will keep this journey on the thinking side of things and hope that someday we work it out so we can go see Alaska, but we can’t do it right now, it just isn’t possible. Shame too, there are so many beautiful things to be seen up there.

Sigh. I’ll keep dreaming! And I’ll keep collecting pamphlets on the great state of Alaska along with plotting our journey for someday. Peace! ~Tina

Humans & Dogs Are Wearing Face Masks, But Do They Help & Can Canines Even Contract Coronavirus? — Invisibly Me

On Thursday 30th January 2020, the Coronavirus outbreak was declared as a global health emergency by The World Health Organisation (WHO). At the time of writing, the latest figures suggest more than 11,790 confirmed cases…

via Humans & Dogs Are Wearing Face Masks, But Do They Help & Can Canines Even Contract Coronavirus? — Invisibly Me

Finished – Jan. 30, 2020 Word of the Day

Today’s word of the day is “Finished“.  Makes it sound final, or ended, but it isn’t, at least I hope it isn’t. I like doing the word of the day. It makes me think. I have to think inside the box where normally I think outside the box. Or is that backwards. I’m not sure how my brain works, but I know it isn’t finished.

Once upon a time, I thought I would have been finished with life by now. I’m 57 years old and I never thought I would see these days. I’m proud the good Lord has kept me around so many years. He is obviously not finished with me. I’m thankful there is work for me to do in His name, now to find it and complete it for Him. I have no idea where to look for it, maybe it is hidden in these blog posts. Maybe I’m reaching someone that needs a positive in there day to day life. That would be wonderful if I reached someone and helped them, brightened their day a little bit. But I won’t get ahead of myself, I don’t feel I am that powerful. I’m just me, nothing special. I write these word of the day things just to write, a creative part of me. I enjoy it. I never feel like I am finished with one either. I just decide that it’s time to stop writing because maybe I’m not saying anything of any importance. Sort of like now. 🙂 Thank you for reading, but I believe I’m finished with this particular word of the day.

Stay positive! ~ Tina


Television – Jan. 28, 2020 Word of the Day

What a wonderful word of the day, television, our friend, our enemy, our all around entertainment center. So often I have turned to the television for comfort when I lay fighting pain, I look to the television for a program to watch to take my mind off of that pain, but never have I found a program that will ease my pain. As many television programs as there are, there are just none that will take my pain away from me when I need it to. But I call the television my friend, instead of my enemy. Often I listen to it while trying to fall asleep, when every little thing I’ve every done wrong in my whole life is bearing down on me. A sure sign of depression. The television eases my mind if I concentrate on the words coming out of it’s speaker and not the words running around in my head.

I find the television necessary to keep up with the weather and the news, a good laugh, a good cry, a good companion when my mind needs one when I am alone. Other times, I don’t need the television at all! I think it is just an idiot box. I forget how important it is to me and call it names, turn it off and let it sit and collect dust while I surf the internet on my computer, but soon my eyes become tired and weary. I can’t find the satisfaction on the internet that I find from the television. I’m too old to be able to settle for the internet. I grew up with the television and there lies my loyalty. I know that everything I find on the television is on the internet, but I don’t know exactly where to find it.

And I can watch television when I am in a brain fog, when nothing really matters if I remember it or not. But when I’m on the internet, I want to remember what I read and what I do so I can return to it and finish it up. But on the television it can just run and run and nonsense can come out of it and I can sit or lie down and never absorb anything that comes from it if I so choose.

I think it is my friend for sure. It might be a child’s enemy, but for me, with an invisible illness, it is a friend. I call on it often to sooth me to sleep, to calm my nerves, to keep me company, to entertain me. I will be keeping the television around.

Stay positive in all you do and try to feel good today! ~ Tina

Busy – Jan. 26, 2020 Word of the Day

I’ve been busy with income taxes. How many of you are doing your own taxes this year? I do ours every year and this year is exceptionally difficult for some reason. My husband is fully disabled now and without him having worked any last year, it is very odd to be filling out the forms without him having a W-2 form. But I’ve been busy as bee trying to find our deductions, because they are very different this year than years in the past. I think I may go blind trying to find the deduction on receipts and pouring over medical papers. There are just so many!

I’m afraid we may have to pay this year, but I keep working with it and hoping that after all the forms come in the mail, we will have it sway in our favor. I hope everyone is having a better time at finding deductions than I am. It seems very difficult this year, because many things have changed in our household.

Positive, I must remain positive. I’ll busy my mind with creative things for a few days while I wait for more forms to come in the mail. I’m excited about that. I have had to put my creative side away for a while to use the other side of my brain to fill out these forms, that side of my brain is boring. LOL My positive is I’ve felt well enough to work on the taxes and haven’t had to have someone else do it for me. That is a huge deal for me, because I don’t like other people doing my important stuff for me. I hope you are all keeping a positive attitude, or at least are trying to. It can keep your mind busy in a way that will lift your mood, spirits and health. Have a great evening! ~ Tina


Change- Jan. 24, 2020 Word of the Day

Today’s word of the day is “change“. This is a good word for all of us in need of a little change in our lives. Especially those of us with chronic illnesses. We need to make a change for the betterment of our health. Stop smoking or stop eating so much fat or sugar. Try to change a routine that has a negative affect on our health, whether it be completely eliminate an activity that we do, or just a change in our attitude, we can make things better for ourselves if we are willing to change.

I know a lady with interstitial cystitis that is not willing to change in anyway. She thinks that the one dr she has always seen for her disease is the reigning king of IC and no other thing can possibly help her, she is unwilling to change anything in her routine or diet to make herself better. It is people like this, that are unwilling to try a change that really disappoint me. You never know what will work for you if you don’t try what has worked for someone else. It may or may not work for you, but trying it, within reason, isn’t going to kill you. I’m always talking about a positive outlook. How many of your have tried it? It helps! I can be doubled over in pain, but if I try to find a positive in my life at that moment, I can usually stand up better, maybe not all the way, but better. It’s the change in my attitude that makes the difference. I have so many times found that thinking about how much my husband is such a good support system for me and how much he knows what to do when I’m in such pain that just those few positive thoughts will help me get through the worse pain. And thinking about the fact that this particular pain will not last through out eternity. It will ease once the pain meds are administered. That too helps with the pain.

So just change your line of thinking and give it shot. Find a positive in your life. Your dog loves you, your cat purrs for you, your pain has been worse and you survived. The change you make today will help you tomorrow.

Humor- Jan. 20, 2020 Word of the Day

Humor, we think of things that make us laugh, but often times a person with invisible illnesses do not feel they have anything more to laugh about. They are often depressed and in so much pain that they can’t find humor in anything. I want to tell you that it does not have to be that way. We can still find humor in things by looking at the bright side and yes, there is one. Be positive in your actions. See something that is not completely torn down by an illness each day. You have beautiful nails, your hair is beautiful, you have beautiful skin, see something positive and dwell on that for a while, give yourself a manicure, brush your beautiful hair or give yourself a facial. These things can be accomplished at home and will make you feel better about yourself. Then watch a funny movie and see some humor and try to incorporate a little humor into your life. Tell someone a cute joke, or remind them or a time when you did something funny together. I know you might not be able to do those things now, but there is no law that says you can’t remember them and be happy that they happened before you became ill. Put that illnesses away for a while. Occupy your mind with something different. It is possible! You just have to be willing to try. And once you find a little humor in your life, you will be able to do it over and over, leading to a positive action each day that will lift you up and make you feel happier. I won’t say it will make your illness less of a problem but it will make your depression less prominent. That’s my advice for the day. Use your time wisely always and find humor in the time you are able to be awake.

Peace ~ Tina

Need to Find The Word of The Day/Week

I used to write a “Word Of The Day” article each day or maybe it was weekly, I do not recall for sure but I am looking to get back into doing it. I just need help finding that link.

I enjoy writing and write friends long emails regularly, but I would like to get back to this blog, it is long over due for some sprucing up. I have a lot of things going on and I want to keep all of them going at the same time, they keep me active and keep my mind sharp, or at least keep it from going totally to mush.

The word of the day/week was/is something that I want to do again if anyone can direct me to that link or person that offers that word, please let me know, I’m very interested in participating.

Thanks in advance!

Feeling Decent or Not

It has been a long time since I have been online with this blog writing about my health. I have many illnesses/syndromes and they play a huge part in my day to day living. I am dealing with something all of the time, it is never ending. I have to take into consideration everything that I do, as to how it will affect me in the long run. I know that many of you deal with the same problems. Not necessarily the same illnesses, but the same way of dealing with day to day activities.

I’m currently dealing with my back hurting and in spasms. It tends to do this when I’m overly stressed. What has me overly stressed? It is the anniversary of the time of year my Mom passed away in 2014. The actual day has passed, but it hangs on to me for a while afterwards. She passed on the 13th of January in 2014. I miss her, but I have to get past it so I don’t fall apart, I have to keep myself together because falling apart will make me sicker in the long run, it always does.

I always have my bladder to deal with and my backache can be caused by my bladder but I don’t think the actual spasms are bladder related, I think the bladder related backache is more of a deeper pain. I also have to watch everything I eat or I will be dealing with a bladder flare up and if I dwell on the anniversary of my Mom’s passing it will affect my bladder too, so I have to put it out of my mind. There are all types of things that affect us when we are ill.

One thing that really bothers me about the way I am ill. I don’t like how people look at me when we park in a handicapped parking spot. I can walk into a store fine, it is coming out of the store that I’m hobbling and barely able to walk. I’ve been through the store and I’m worn out, aching and wishing I could sit and rest, be done with the day and sleep a while. There is no doubt on the way out of the store that I’m disabled, but that’s not when people look at me funny for parking in the handicap spot. How do you guys handle it? Am I doing something wrong? Can I do something different to keep people from looking at me weird?

And what do you do when you have a doctor that doesn’t do all he can do to make sure something isn’t wrong with you? After all of the things I’ve been diagnosed with, I worry about other things. Like degenerative things. I have so much wrong with me, and when I have symptoms of something new and they persist, I get on google and look up some things and then present to my doctor. He runs a few tests to appease me and then tells me, I told you nothing was wrong with you. Ticks me off! Smug turd!

I have a lot of questions for you guys. I just don’t get to talk to people with illnesses often, except my husband and he is just experiencing the things that the rest of us have been dealing with for years. So I’m having to help him through the depression of not getting to do what he wants to do all the time because of his illness.

I feel I’m rambling. I don’t want to do that, so I will stop writing and post this. I hope your day is a good one, I feel that I will have a good day because I feel decent, not great, but decent isn’t bad for one that has illnesses. My back will get better as the days pass by.

Thanks for listening! ~Tina

Does Anyone Know…

Hi everyone, I’m asking for advice, I need to know how to get more traffic to my new Etsy shop. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve read and read and can’t find any real advice that works. I also need customers.

As a person with an invisible illness my time online is always spread very thin, I have to be quick with what I do and then get off and go lie down. Sometimes I can still read with my tablet, but doing work is impossible while on my tablet and I can’t really work on my laptop while laying down, at least not well. I need a stable surface and I, personally, need to be sitting up to work on my laptop. I know some of you have adapted to laying down while working on one, but I haven’t been able to, it’s probably my back that won’t allow it.

Anyway, I’m seeking advice for my Etsy store so I can bring in a little income. I’m good at making forms, it doesn’t take me long to do and I enjoy it, so that is three pluses right there. I can usually get 2 done in a day, if they aren’t too complicated, and I enjoy it so much, it’s like a challenging puzzle to get it all to fit, whatever is in my head, I have to get it all to fit on that sheet of paper. I find it fun, I know, I’m weird, but to me, it’s fun to do challenging things to keep my mind sharp…I know, that is laughable in itself, with fibro, but I do try.

So suggestions, anyone? I’m ready for how you did it. Thank you so much! ~Tina

I opened an Etsy Shop

I took the plunge and opened an Etsy shop. Right now it only has downloadable forms. Mostly for medical information that one needs to carry with them at all times, or needs to take to the doctor each visit.

I love making forms, I used to do it when I was a typesetter at the local print shop here in town, but when I got sick, they would not allow me to work part time, so I had to quit, which ended up for the best because my interstitial cystitis got so bad that sitting up in a desk chair was near impossible for a very long time. I can now do it, but not for long intervals.

I’m asking everyone to please take a peak at my shop and see if there is anything you can use, but most importantly if there is anything else I can add to make it more enticing. Is there a form that YOU would like me to make? One that would help you when you go to the doctor’s office? Or one that would help you in any other way? I can make all sorts of forms. I love doing it and want to start this business off right and pleasing people is the first thing to a successful business.

Thanks for looking and offering advice!

~ Tina

29 Positive Affirmations to change your life — Fibro Ramblings

Positive affirmations are positive phrases or statements that are used to challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts. They are used as a means of introducing new and adaptive cognitive processes. All you need to do is pick a phrase and repeat it to yourself three to five times daily. This is to reinforce positive beliefs. The […]

via 29 Positive Affirmations to change your life — Fibro Ramblings

It has been a long time…

It has been way too long since I posted on this blog. Many things have happened, but not all are bad. My husband’s heart attack was horrible and he is completely disabled now, and that is depressing sometimes for him, but I really like having him home. He is great company and my best friend, so having him here is wonderful.

I’ve had multiple surgeries since last I wrote, but they have all been normal, bi-yearly surgeries that go along with having IC (interstitial cystitis). I’ve done well through them all, but hate having them due to the pain they cause after each one. However, the pain soon subsides and then I feel much better for about 2 months, so I should not complain about them at all.

I’ve had some memory loss, seems my B12 is way low, but when I take a B12 vitamin I sleep a very long time and feel lethargic and confused instead of feeling good and energetic like most people. So I’m having some sort of reaction to the vitamin that is rare. I need to research it more, but I find myself avoiding it for fear of what I will find.

I’ve been tested for Alzheimer’s and I do not have it. My liver has been tested and is fatty and I need to lose weight, but don’t we all. I bought an exercise bike and it’s sitting so pretty in my living room. I need to dust it. 🙂

Christmas is right around the corner and I have all of the present bought, but I haven’t wrapped them yet and I don’t feel like doing it. I just don’t enjoy Christmas like I used to and I don’t like participating in family gatherings like I once did. I like quiet settings instead of a crowd. Maybe it is my age, but I think it is more my disposition.

Thank you for following my blog and have a great day and Merry Christmas. I’ll try to get back here more often and see about adding some new information to the invisible illnesses. Take care! ~Tina

Update on Husband

Thank you for your continued prayers. My husband’s heart attack scared me to death, but he is doing better. Unfortunately, he is not totally fixed. They placed 2 stents in his arteries, we were told one, but we were told wrong. And his heart rate keeps dropping to zero for 3 to 7 seconds at a time. They are trying to get him into a sleep apnea study so we can find out if sleep apnea might be causing the heart rate drops because they only happen at night when he is sleeping, so far. So it really sounds like apnea is the problem. His insurance, Blue Cross Blue Shield, will not pay for an in-clinic sleep study until he does a home sleep study. So we are waiting on the sleep study office to get a home machine in so he can do the study, the sooner the better so he doesn’t die in his sleep from his heart stopping.

If the sleep study does not show sleep apnea, he will have to have a pacemaker. This is a permanent situation that we are hoping it won’t come to. It would require him to lose his job, most likely, and we can’t afford that at this time in our lives. He is a machinist, welder and driller. He works in a machine shop around very large machines with magnets here and there and those are my concern, along with the fact that there is metal flying everywhere that could hit him and cause him to bleed out being on blood thinners and all. I’m a wreck, stressing about all of this and it hasn’t even come to this yet. Well, he is on blood thinners, but I think he would be ok as long as he wears his safety gear.

Anyway, I appreciate your prayers. Please continue, I need them as well. I’m so stressed out that my xanax isn’t working well enough for me.

You are all great, thank you!