Depression Rant

 

People are so afraid to admit they have depression, so afraid of the stigma that goes along with mental illness, guess what people, I have depression! And anxiety! I am a walking, talking depressed person ready for the fight or flight response to kick in. Since I am on so many meds, the usual reaction is the flight response to my anxiety. The depression, well, that keeps me in bed, crying, hiding, eating, wanting to die. Yep, it is horrific. I have no self esteem, I have no desire to do anything, I have an emptiness inside me that can not be filled. I miss people that have passed and don’t want to be around those that have not. It is a vicious disease, depression. It takes from me the very core of my personality and kicks it under the rug, then slams a ball bat on it to make sure it is bruised and batter enough not to show it’s face for a while.

Luckily, I have a caring husband that sees when I become this depressed and gets me to the doctor. He knows when I’m at my breaking point and the doctor will change up my medication, or add to it to get me through the rough spots. People just don’t know how hard it is to function in a depressed state. Put on a smile, read your Bible, turn it over to God, think happy thoughts. All great advice, but useless to a person that is severely depressed. There is nothing that can bring you out of it that is that simple. It takes medication. I got mine changed up yesterday, 11/30/16. Hopefully in 2 weeks we will see a difference. I will ween off of one medication while starting another and hopefully lose the suicidal thoughts, or death thoughts, that I am having. The gloom and doom thoughts where you see your death happening, whether by your own hand, or just by accident. A seriously depressed person would understand, we understand each other.

I know no one that cares for me wants to read this, but this is my life. A secret one up until now, one I have not shared with anyone but doctors and my husband, as it frightens people, they can’t handle the “stigma” of it all and want to try to fix things by tossing out the hollow advice, “get over it”, “move past it”, or the statements in the earlier paragraph. If it were just that easy, wouldn’t we all be happy and content. But it is difficult to get out of bed, take a shower, care about anything especially yourself when you are depressed.

If you are reading this and you are suffering like I do, get to a doctor. Or call someone that understands and talk to them, spill your guts, be honest and up front with them. There has to be someone you can open up to. If not, call the National suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255 available 24 hours a day.

National suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255 available 24 hours a day

Suicide prevention services of America: http://www.spsamerica.org/

Help is available now, and 24 hours a day.
CALL NOW.
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Depression Hotline (630) 482-9696
Para obtener asistencia en español llame al 1-888-628-9454