It has been a long time since I have been online with this blog writing about my health. I have many illnesses/syndromes and they play a huge part in my day to day living. I am dealing with something all of the time, it is never ending. I have to take into consideration everything that I do, as to how it will affect me in the long run. I know that many of you deal with the same problems. Not necessarily the same illnesses, but the same way of dealing with day to day activities.
I’m currently dealing with my back hurting and in spasms. It tends to do this when I’m overly stressed. What has me overly stressed? It is the anniversary of the time of year my Mom passed away in 2014. The actual day has passed, but it hangs on to me for a while afterwards. She passed on the 13th of January in 2014. I miss her, but I have to get past it so I don’t fall apart, I have to keep myself together because falling apart will make me sicker in the long run, it always does.
I always have my bladder to deal with and my backache can be caused by my bladder but I don’t think the actual spasms are bladder related, I think the bladder related backache is more of a deeper pain. I also have to watch everything I eat or I will be dealing with a bladder flare up and if I dwell on the anniversary of my Mom’s passing it will affect my bladder too, so I have to put it out of my mind. There are all types of things that affect us when we are ill.
One thing that really bothers me about the way I am ill. I don’t like how people look at me when we park in a handicapped parking spot. I can walk into a store fine, it is coming out of the store that I’m hobbling and barely able to walk. I’ve been through the store and I’m worn out, aching and wishing I could sit and rest, be done with the day and sleep a while. There is no doubt on the way out of the store that I’m disabled, but that’s not when people look at me funny for parking in the handicap spot. How do you guys handle it? Am I doing something wrong? Can I do something different to keep people from looking at me weird?
And what do you do when you have a doctor that doesn’t do all he can do to make sure something isn’t wrong with you? After all of the things I’ve been diagnosed with, I worry about other things. Like degenerative things. I have so much wrong with me, and when I have symptoms of something new and they persist, I get on google and look up some things and then present to my doctor. He runs a few tests to appease me and then tells me, I told you nothing was wrong with you. Ticks me off! Smug turd!
I have a lot of questions for you guys. I just don’t get to talk to people with illnesses often, except my husband and he is just experiencing the things that the rest of us have been dealing with for years. So I’m having to help him through the depression of not getting to do what he wants to do all the time because of his illness.
I feel I’m rambling. I don’t want to do that, so I will stop writing and post this. I hope your day is a good one, I feel that I will have a good day because I feel decent, not great, but decent isn’t bad for one that has illnesses. My back will get better as the days pass by.
Thanks for listening! ~Tina
I’m so tired today. I feel defeated. I felt good yesterday and got some things done while taking care of my sick husband. He is feeling better today, I’m glad to say, and I’m crashing. I guess my worry for him and having to drive (which I seldom do) made me overly anxious so I will suffer the consequences now. I was up at 4am this morning, but back in bed at 6am and up again at 9am. It’s 10am and I’m ready for another nap. I feel like I will be in bed often today.
I think often of the olden days, those days that were filled with activities and no aches and pains. I used to work a full time job, come home cook a full meal, then head off to my son’s ball game or practice, stay out and about until after 10pm and get home do laundry and get to bed late, then up again to work the next day to do it all over again. I never really ran out of energy in an extreme way, like I do now. If I had aches and pains, I usually had the flu. I sure miss those days.
I also miss getting to go fishing out in the sunshine. I’m not allowed in the sunshine anymore, it makes me break out in an itchy rash. I believe it is from my medications, but until I’m not taking those medications, I won’t know for certain if it is my body or not.
So defeated I am. I must lay down now. I’m way too tired to continue. Have a good day.