Tagged: PTSD

02/04/2020 Word of The Day – Approve

I approve this message. I hear this over and over on the television. The candidates are always saying this after they have done their campaigning. Why do they have to say this? If they are the ones saying it, of course they approve it. It’s silly to me. That’s my political comment for the day.

On another note, I’ve been trying to occupy my mind with things that make me happy. I’m having a hard time at it. My psychologist told me that I’ve been holding on to my PTSD too long and it’s time for me to get over it. I do not approve this type of statement. It is hurtful, it is unreasonable, it is down right unprofessional for her to say such a thing and I will be confronting her next visit.

I witnessed a fatal stabbing, something that devastated me and changed me, completely! I went through such severe bouts of depression and fear that I wouldn’t go outside my house except to get to my therapist who was actually helping me, but it wasn’t the therapist I’m seeing now. I don’t approve of the one I’m seeing now, but she is the only one that will take my insurance, that I can find, and she is 150 miles away from me. My husband has to drive me that far away so I can sit for 1 hour and be lectured on why I should be over my PTSD by now. I hate to tell her that it isn’t going away. And since she said that, it has gotten worse, I’m having flashbacks, nightmares and am down right scared to death that I will be set out into the world without a therapist because they don’t want to deal with me any longer. Yes, it has been a very long time, but does it ever really go away? I mean in reality, does it go away? Have the Vietnam Vets lost their PTSD? How about the Dessert Storm Vets? How about the WWII Vets? 911 victims? I don’t think so! So why should I be required to get over my PTSD because I was the only one in a large area of workers that was affected by it? I wasn’t. I was just the only one that reported it and got help. I heard of other people being affected by it. I heard that they struggled with depression and anxiety and found other jobs, but they didn’t get help like I did. I was in a job position that allowed me to get help that didn’t allow them to get the same help. I won’t give up my therapy due to one idiot therapists suggestion. I will find another therapist if need be, but I won’t give up. I’m not over this and I don’t approve of her thinking I should be over it.

Thank you for reading my post. I have very little positive when it comes to this issue. Well, I can’t think of any positive. It brings me down, it hurts me and it makes me depressed to think of it. I’ll close now, have a good day and thank you again for reading my post. ~ Tina

My Theory About Stress & Invisible Illnesses

I have read through many blogs about people having chronic illnesses, fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis and many other invisible illnesses. I have talked to people over the years of my time dealing with invisible illnesses and came to notice that most people with chronic pain, fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, and other illnesses, have had trauma in their lives before developing symptoms of these illnesses.

I have the theory that pure traumatic stress has caused our bodies to develop these illnesses or syndromes. And once one illness develops, the body becomes weakened, leading to more stress, leaving the body free to develop more illnesses which leads to even  more stress.

It wasn’t until after PTSD, that I developed any of my invisible illnesses. I had a migraine occasionally, but they were not an issue until after the traumatic event. I had never heard of interstitial cystitis or fibromyalgia until after the PTSD.

I wonder how many of you, have had trauma in your past, or have been so overly stressed for a long period of time that your body weakened and chronic illness developed.

Please leave a comment if you think this theory holds any merit.

Poetry

I’ve been fighting illnesses for a long time and writing poetry about them helped at one point. Unfortunately, I take a lot of medications now that squelch my creative abilities. Below are two that I wrote years ago when I first started having serious illness issues.

Tina Brown
November 22, 2002

Wake! I command you,
Rest no more.
I thrive on weakness,
Your pleading I adore.

There is no refuge,
For you from my wrath.
I’m the dictator,
Of this unchosen path.

Seek as you wish,
None will you find,
With strength or stamina,
Greater than mine.

No pill, no potion,
No bottle, no vile,
Can destroy my presence,
Only weaken a while.

But I’ll soon return,
You’ll answer to me,
For I am your master,
Forever to be.

_______________________

Mind Game
by Tina Brown 1999

So you’ve chosen this game to play,
Obviously unknowing of my abilities.
You’re unfamiliar with this territory,
Are you frightened?
You should be.
Deception is not for the weak,
Bad dreams are made of me.
I can hurt you and never lift a finger,
I can control you secretly.
I possess you as you once did me,
My wisdom is more than your strength,
My endurance will astound you,
No mercy will you reap.
Are you ready to begin?