Early to Rise

There is a saying about early to rise, or maybe two sayings. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. And, the early bird gets the worm. I’m far from healthy, wealthy, and wise, but I might could go outside and find a worm. I think I would take healthy over all the choices, but wise sounds very nice too.

Needless to say, I’m up way to early again. I stayed up later last night too, trying to make sure I slept past 3 this morning, but I didn’t make it. I was up at 2:30. I don’t particularly hurt anywhere, I just wake from dreams and can’t go back to sleep after going to the bathroom. I do have pain, but it isn’t unbearable, so I don’t consider it a problem yet.

I ride the pain scale around a 3 (1 being least, 10 being worst) for the most part. I have a high tolerance and push through it most of the time. I figure if I can keep it below a 5, I’m doing good. My bladder is rebelling right now and holding steady at that 3. I have two interstim, sacral nerve stimulators and they have helped my pain level tremendously, not so much my frequency. Let me recant that, if I turn one off, I would go to the bathroom over 30 times a day, right now I go about 15, so it does help. I got my first one in 2001, when it died and I got 2 to replace it in 2011, and recently had to have one of those replace. I have Medtronic’s brand.

I don’t know why I write so much on here, no one really reads it. My friends and family have not shown any interest and it hurts my feelings, but I keep writing, hoping one day they will care. I write to inform, and to educate, but I had a friend tell me she already knows about my illness. I told her she has no idea about my illnessES. I have one relative that cares enough to read it, and she is a great support for me. I suppose I will keep writing for myself. It takes the edge off every day to write something. It is sort of like telling a therapist what is going on with me.

Speaking of which, my therapist retired 2 years ago. I miss her greatly. I haven’t been able to find another in this area, there just aren’t any. My husband listens to my woes and tries to offer advice and is pretty good at it, but sometimes he can’t see the horror that is going on in my head. We do have a good connection though and he knows what I’ve been through, as he went through everything with me, but still that degree of education isn’t there.

I may follow up on this topic at a later date. Until then, peace be with you.


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